Pop Boy Meets Girls Aloud

Girls Aloud have released a greatest hits album. My fingers have been itching since ‘Something Kinda Oooh!’ first blasted on the radio. So why have I held on for so long? That’s because I didn’t get the album until today and whereas I don’t mind downloading albums from rubbish/unimportant people, but when it comes to Girls Aloud I’d gladly spend my few student pennies. They are worth it.

Today they were particularly worth splashing out £16.95 on in HMV for the special edition version at 9am because it meant that, after a three hour wait, I got to meet the girls! I realise this makes me a total fanboy, and a little bit sad, but I must remind you, this isn’t Clea, it isn’t Lisa Scott-Lee, it’s Girls Aloud, the single most important thing to happen to British music and punk since the dawn of time. There, I said it.

The girls were lovely, but weren’t taking pictures; however, after I sweet talked Nicola I managed to worm a special one out of her which needs to be kept under wraps. I told her she was my favourite, at which point Nadine said, “you said that to me!” and the girls squabbled for my affections. I didn’t say Nadine was my favourite, I told her that the cover art was crap. She tutted and nodded. You heard it here first and all that.

Kimberley and Cheryl were ace too, and as I explained the three hour wait to them a security guard tried to usher me away. Cheryl then said “Oi! He’s talking to us!” and then said bye properly to me.

Sarah was wearing lots of make up. She was nice. But she’s just Sarah. There’s nothing wrong with that, she’s just not Nicola, Cheryl, Kimberley or Nadine and therefore, not as ace.

To the passing reader this may seem trivial, and going to a band signing (particularly one for a girlband) may be extremely immature and cliché ghey (true enough I was the oldest person there who wasn’t an escort/minder and the only guy on his own – that I could see), but for me this is everything. I mean, I touched Nicola for crying out loud, talk about something kinda ooooh!

The Greatest Hits is, by it’s definition, nothing I haven’t heard before. And yes, in the age of iTunes and CD-Rs, greatest hits are extremely unnecessary. But this greatest hits isn’t just that, it’s the sound of pop music evolving at a rate that would have Darwin shitting himself. All it needs now is poseable thumbs and it shall inherit the earth.

The album features never before heard songs, ‘Money’ and ‘Singapore’, the latter of which was needlessly dropped off the Chemistry album and could possibly be one of the Girls’ finest moments, and the Girl’s takes on Tiffany’s ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’, which will be the next single apparently, Blondie’s ‘Hanging On The Telephone’, Kaiser Chief’s ‘I Predict A Riot’, a highlight of the recent tour, and, with a cruel tongue in cheek, The Beegee’s ‘Sacred Trust’, which was covered by their Colon Rivals ‘opponents’ One True Voice. All in all seven out of the twenty songs are covers. Is this a problem? No, and why? Because each of the covers equals if not betters the original.

In a drought of innovation and fun, with artists preferring acoustic guitars or simpleton basslines to rhythm and vibrancy, Girls Aloud have been left to fly the flag for pop single-handedly. In an industry where it’s do-or-die and sales mean everything, Girls Aloud have racked up thirteen consecutive top ten singles, more than any other girlband in the history of pop and have had sales and success that most acts can only dream of, pop, indie or otherwise. They’ve outlived not only their contemporaries but also their own genre with reality TV, Top of the Pops and Smash Hits! – staples of the pop music scene they were flung into.

Will Girls Aloud split Steps-stylee after this album? Who knows? And to be honest, who cares? I’d rather they went out unanimously now they were on top than be forced out two years down the line and fade into the background. They make music better than anyone, so I don’t want them to quit, but if they did they’d leave such a legacy behind them that it’d be hard to hold anything against them.