Paris Review

Paris is the girl it's OK to download. Afterall, it's not as if she needs the money. But don't download her, buy it and make a rich girl richer. The heiress whose tried everything and championed nothing. Now, Paris Hilton gets a lot of unnecessary shit. My standing on her is she's the embodiment of what used to be the American Dream, the manifestation of 'success' in the western world. Which is why I find it hard to understand why she gets so much shit. Criticising Paris is just criticising the entire western world. She shoudl be your idol, she's everything we've been told to idolise: who needs personality when you've got money and success? I'm not saying she's not vacuous, I'm just saying she's no more vacuous than we made her. There we go, my political rant over, let's review the album...

I feel a bit sorry for Ol' Pazza as I do admire her, and a significant chunk of her album is amazing (no, really). Unfortunately lead single 'Stars Are Blind' with it's UB40 sample is not only the worst song on the album, but it's also one of the worst songs of the year. As a result, many people may dismiss her and not give her a chance. What's worse, 'Turn It Up', the album opener, trudges tirelessly along and never becomes the it promises. Then we get 'Fighting Over Me' which features Fat Joe and Jadakiss (who I think were desperate to collaborate with Paris, she reluctnatly accepted). In this song, the 'theme' (two rappers arguing over one girl) shows promise, but once again Paris falls flat on her arse. And unlike Beyonce, when Paris' songs fall on their arse, she hasn't got the voice to save them.

Four tracks in however, we stumble upon one of the finest pop moments of the year, 'I Want You'. It samples the Grease theme, which is a master stroke all of it's own but it also has a killer chorus, handclaps and Paris' voice is squished through the machine enough times to suit the song. Next up is 'Jealousy'. I apologise, but I don't follow the gossip columns, but is this about Nicole Ritchie? Did they fall out? Should I care? 'Jealousy' is such a Paris song, suiting her much more than many of her other songs, as only someone as vacuous and self-centred as Paris could ever sing this. And once again, the chorus is killer.

'Nothing In This World' is another of pop's finer moments too, sounding very much like a Kelly Clarkson (with significant difference in vocal range). The "da, da, da, da, da, da, da" bits are gneius, and will stay with you forever and follow you around. 'Screwed' is impossible to get out of your head. I'm glad this ended up on the album, because even though it's been leaked on the internet since 1852, it's still a top-class pop song. It has an irresistible kick and bounce to it. And it has the greatest middle eight in the history of pop too. FACT! There's at all wrong with 'Heartbeat' either. It's a bit slow, but it's utterly charming. Shame that Paris' struggling vocals can't quite pull it off.

'I'm Not Leaving Without You' is the sort of track I was expecting from Paris. Dancepop with a nudge, a wink and a "come get me" smile. It sounds like 'I Feel Love' in a blender with the Dixie Chicks being sung by a drunken, oversexed socialite. This was what I was expecting, and an album full of this would've been no bad thing.

Then the album is bookended by Paris' cover of Rod Stewart's 'Do You Think I'm Sexy?'. The song is about as sexy as my granddad's speedos I'm afraid. I assume it's ironic, or supposed to be, but then when as irony ever been an excuse for being shit?

I really wanted this album to shut people up and be brilliant as it'd be one in the eye for culture pretentiousness. Essentially, Paris is great album. It has some belting songs that if sung by someone with more credibility and a stronger voice, would rule the world and be number ones the world over. But this is Paris Hilton, who wouldn't know self-awareness or subtlety if it slapped her in the face.

As a result she tries too much and gets confused as to the sound she wants. 'Fighting Over Me' and 'Stars Are Blind' are obviously meant for a 'cooler' R&B market, 'Screwed' and 'I'm Not Leaving Without You' are dance stormers and 'I Want You' is unadulterated pure pop. The album, and Paris herself, are confused and unsure, never quite deciding one a specific direction or sound that leaves the whole album sounding, forgive me, higgledy piggledy. Which is a shame, as a couple of storming songs end up getting wasted on a flat, fumbling album.


Best Songs: 'I Want You', 'Screwed', 'Nothing In This World'