New Releases 21st November 2005

This week the singles releases are all a big pile of shite. So it’s very whistle stop, one listen and that’s it stuff, so don’t expect us to go in-depth.

Goldie Lookin' Chain - R&B
IG: Aren’t Goldie Lookin' Chain just a really bad joke that has went on far too long?

They’ve just released two albums of novelty records which shouldn’t be gaining the extensive airplay that they do. All they really achieve with this record is sounding like either Another Level (Remember them? You don’t? Oh…) or Blazin Squad when they go soppy.

Ugh. Stop buying their records people! Maybe Anne Robinson was right about the welsh…?!?*

*I don’t actually agree with Anne, but if Goldie Lookin’ Chain were to disappear I wouldn’t be heartbroken.

PB: I’m not sure what this is. I first heard this on Radio 1 and felt a little bit sick, this is playlisted and Alexis Strum is overlooked? I think this is supposed to be a parody. But then, is it a parody of boybands or of R&B music? And aren’t parodies supposed to be happy. This is just painful. It’s so offensive it makes me want to travel west with a pitchfork and wage war on the Welsh. It’s good to see Lisa from Hollyoaks got her big break though isn’t it? Although, making a deliberately awful R&B record is much better I suppose then making an undeliberately awful one. Which brings us to 50 Cent…

50 Cent - Window Shopper
PB: 50 Cent is on the Now Playing List on my Media Player. I never thought that day would come. This, surprisingly, doesn’t sound EXACTLY like the rest of his dross, but it’s just a different type of dross. Like being kicked in the crotch instead of the mouth, a change, but by no means refreshing. I don’t know what this song is about but I imagine it’s something like this: “I’m dead ‘ard me, I can buy me hoes expensive things. And you haterz can’t. So I’m better than you. And my cock is huge.”

IG: Bleugh. Just having this in my computer makes me want to take a bloody good shower.

Well, what can I say? It’s 50 fucking Cent. The crappest of all the “crap rap” out there. He’s like the Dido of the rap world. It’s like every song he releases is the same one with a different name. The man can’t even rap, just mumble bile about the hood and the hoes. It’s also quite bad that my realplayer actually got an error and the same bit of the song was played over and over again. Did I notice? Guess.

Meh. It’s 50 Cent. Just stay well clear and if you dare go near be sure to disinfect yourselves afterwards.

Tom Novy - Your Body
IG: This track really deeply bores me to be honest. The lyrics are repetitive and not in a good way, it’s a uninteresting style of music and I got sick of it around a minute in which for this week’s selection/pile of crap.

Sorry Tom, just reminds me of really bad, boring dance/pop that just doesn’t interest me whatsoever. I also don’t understand the point made by Pop Boy about being able to dance around to this.

Tap your feet, maybe…

PB: In a stagnant pool of sewage, this is the one polished turd floating to the top. It’s not groundbreaking. It’s not earth shaking. Yes, I have probably heard thousands of records just like this, but (and this is the clinger and possible reason for this record’s momentum) you can dance to it, and the goose is getting fat so lots of people want to get up and dance to songs and snog each other. And why shouldn’t they do it to this fit-to-specification stomper? Also (and again quite a clinger) one of the dancer boys on Popworld was fit as!

Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
PB: A sudden fall from grace from Gorillaz who’ve provided us with ‘Feel Good Inc’ and ‘DARE’, arguably two of the biggest songs of 2005. Much like Goldie Lookin’ Chain’s effort, this song just leaves me questioning just what is being attempted. It’s largely instrumental, with pretty-but-boring twinkly keyboards, a rubbish cameo form a non-entity all interrupted by a children singing “All Of Yous Is Dead”. Maybe this is what drugs is like?

IG: Groan, still, yes but still my favourite of the week when I have to pick one. Which is strange because this song has been annoying me everywhere I go without knowing who the artist is or what the song is called.

And it was used on an advert for Radio 1 which bugs me no end, as Radio 1 really gets on my nerves.

The bit with the kids singing is good, great beat, draws you in somewhat until it spits you back out again with a tiresome “rap” which puts me off the song completely. The song was good enough as it was, there was no point ruining. I guess they had to stick it in because the first bit, despite being good is all very samey. I think this shows that the song does not have enough to be a winner in my book.



Best & Worst?
IG: Best - Gorillaz, Worst - 50 Cent
And because Pop Boy forgot to send me his best and worst this week I will predict by looking at his reviews...
PB: Best - Tom Novy, Worst - 50 Cent

And remember, just because we say they're the best ones doesn't mean we think you should go out and buy them. I think this week is definately one to miss. Save your money! Your mum might want a present for Christmas or something. But if you're so desperate to get singles, Pop Boy advises just to buy 'Hung Up' again.