Blunt Of The Week: Top 5!!! (11!!eleven!!1)

Well, I couldn't actually just decide on one considering the amount of utter Bluntiness circulating at the moment!

Here! Is the first Blunt of the Week Top 5! (ooh! I bet you're excited.)

Of course, I'll be counting down to build anticipation. you may want to put this on in the back ground as you read.
http://s36.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0D825KB1XJNOO25EE35ARKJDX3


Innnn at 5.....
The NME!
Change the fucking record, Mr McNicholas. We know that Britain seem to adore the Arctic Monkeys. I like them myself, but when your magazine basically becomes a list of what each individual member of that band had for their tea or summat like that, you need to find something else to talk about. We've already had "The Many Odours of Pete Doherty" around four times.

Basically... isn't it known that when the NME sit wanking in their pants over a band, it completely ruins them for everyone else. Well, apart from all those folks that think the NME is actually good. Mind you, i'm one of those idiots that gets really pissed off with The NME, yet continues to flounder away a couple of quid on it every so often.

Innnn at 4.....
Arctic Monkeys!
Yes, one chart they're not topping. Well, y'know. Arctic Monkeys have the potential to be a great band, or maybe they did. I don't know. Somehow a band go on in my estimations when:

1. The NME sit salivating at their piss-stained desks typing up the tiniest bit of crap about the band. (see number 5 in the First ever! Blunt Of The Week Top 5.)
2. Everyone and their mother (and grandmother, and dad probably. Trying to get in with the kids and all of that) likes them.

You can't blame a band for being popular so their entry into the Blunt of the week is for two reasons. Number 1 being that last week they announced their UK tour, it is a smaller venue tour and there are hardly any fucking dates. Of course, the presale tickets went faster than the "Wonka Bars" and that was that. Half of them ended up on eBay with people with more money than sense bidding up to £300 for them. This especially being stupid, as the general sale of the tickets was on the Thursday of that week for £14 each but whatever you want to do, the simply idiotic Great British Public. But of course, getting tickets easily was not to be. Tickets went on sale at 6pm, I went onto Ticketmaster (also shit, by the way) at 6pm on the dot and it told me that all the tickets were gone. I then went onto loads of other ticket sites (all ticketmaster companies, and therefore equally shit) told me the same thing. I went to try GigsAndTours but it had fucking crashed and then tried phoning and the line was engaged. 6.05pm, all the tickets are gone. And as far as I know, they're not planning to adding extra dates. Cunts.

And also, they were home and played a gig at the Sheffield Octagon last week. They were met with a sea of heckles asking for their silly yet fantastic cover of Girls Aloud's "Love Machine" Alex proceeded to tell the entire crowd to fuck off and said that they couldn't even remember how to play it. Er, way to respect the fans Alex. Meh, if it all falls apart, I can reserve them a space in the dumper, right next to Lisa Scott Lee. They can entertain Darius in there with a rocking cover of "Electric."

Innnn at 3.....
Harry Potter!
Well, Daniel Radcliffe really but that's all he's known for. And this is for being an NME reading, crap indieworshipping, whiny little cunt. This week he's been claiming he was the first ever Arctic Monkeys fan. Oh, really? What about Alex Turner's mam then?

I tell you, when all those Hollywood producers realise the boy can't act, he will be the next Conor McNicholas. Or at least one of those pretentious wankers that won't give a look-in to anything pop, and then write about it, and then charge us £1.95 to read it.

Innnn at 2.....
The Grammys!
For being in America (notoriously rather shit for mainstream music) and being better than the shit-pile the smug record companies like to call the Brits. Fair enough, the nominations and winners may be just as bad but at least the performances are fucking ace. I mean, A. C. E. I mean... well... http://www.youtube.com/?v=ee3wFhr-AUc

And innnn at 1.....
James "this whole thing is named after him anyway" Blunt!
Yes, well. He had to be top. Didn't he? But he's been making the news this week anyway. Apparantely, the USA has fallen under the evil terror that is Blunt. Yes, he seems to be invading the world faster than the Nazis back in '39. I think the only good he seems to have done is piss off Robbie. Read about Blunt's only decent achievement (ever) here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2006060489,00.html

Do you agree with the "first! ever! Blunt of the Week Top 5?" Let us know now!