Born Under A Good Sign
Just to see what it's got to compete with:
1989 (1)– Simple Minds –
1990 (2) – Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U
1991 (3) – Bart Simpson – The Bartman
1992 (4) – Shakespear’s Sister – Stay
1993 (5) – 2 Unlimited – No Limits
1994 (6) – Mariah Carey – Without You
1995 (7) – Celine Dion – Think Twice
1996 (8) –
1997 (9) – No Doubt – Don’t Speak
1998 (10) – Cornershop – Brimful of Asha
1999 (11) – Britney Spears – Baby One More Time
2000 (12) – All Saints – Pure Shores
2001 (13) – Atomic Kitten – Whole Again
2002 (14) – Westlife – World Of Our Own
2003 (15) – t.A.T.u. – All The Things She Said
2004 (16) – Peter Andre – Mysterious Girl
2005 (17) – Nelly & Tim McGraw – Over & Over
Fair enough, last year,1989 and 2002 were anomalies, but generally, they're all classics. My birth heralded Kylie's first number one. My ninth birthday saw Gwen get her first number one. My eleventh birthday saw Britney riding high as a global superstar. My fifteenth birthday was met with Russian lesbians. All in all, not too shabby at all.
But what will be number one on my 18th birthday?...
(and yes, this is a purely self-indulgent post, but it's important to me, so put up and shut up)
The Darkness – Is It Just Me?
IG: Is there anyone who gives a fucking hoohah about The Darkness anymore? No? Thought so. It still means they are awful for polluting or airwaves and Justin Hawkins. The video for this song is even worse than the actual song (“no! It’s not possible! It’s just not!”) Oh, but yes it is. The video (certificate 15, not suitable for young children as it WILL cause the worst nightmares EVA. Contains disturbing scenes and “mild peril” [what is that anyway?]) Yes, Justin marrying himself (I reckon he’s just carrying out some kind of life-long dream he’s had) shagging himself, him and the bald bassist in a dress and yes, Justin’s hair is worse. Can you believe that could actually happen?
Oh, I’m meant to talk about the song? It’s the Darkness for fuck’s sake! Of course it’s shit.
PB: The James Blunt of 2003 and proof that the Brit Awards have fuck all to do with musical quality. Yes, The Darkness have selfishly released their latest ear-rape to coincide with my birthday. The fuckers. It makes me think though, when 'One Way Ticket' was released I scoffed that "they couldn't get much worse than this", and yet, they've surpassed themselves. Sort of.
The video sees Justin Hawkins marrying himself and then shagging himself. Now, is it just me or does the thought of one Justin Hawkins having sex make you want the cough up the lining of your stomach? But two Justin Hawkins' having sex? With each other? It's enough to put me off food for life.
I realise that poking fun at The Darkness isn't particularly original, but it's just so easy.
Corinne Bailey Rae – Put Your Records On
PB: Corinne's sumptuous voice is like a warm cup of cocoa on these cold winter nights. Though Indie Girl argues this is a summer song, I just think it's Corinne's vocal (bright, exuberant and sunny) that adds the "we need more ice" hot quality to this song. Undeniably beautiful. Though I have heard through the grapevine that the album is a bit of a disappointment, which is gutting as it's surely down to bad songs wasting Corinne's vocals. Perhaps one of those three little brids was an albatross? If this was number one on my birthday it can only be a good thing (afterall having a debut number one on my birthday did Kylie and Britney no harm). Though Leeds born Corinne couldn't be further away from Britney.
IG: You can’t really be mean to Corinne, can you? It just feels mean, like kicking a puppy or something. Fair enough, she may be a little dull but she’s still an enjoyable relaxing listen. Though, judging by this song… she has released what is clearly an Summer record right on the end of Winter. Not really the best time, I just sat listening to this and felt completely out of place in freezing cold
Madonna – Sorry
IG: Je suis desolee… yadda yadda yadda. YES! It’s the aceness that is Madge! I loved “Sorry” as soon as I nicked it off MuzicMatters. Roller disco fun! (I actually want to go to one, preferably with Pop Boy and a row of willing roller disco-ers and re-create the video) Despite the video being a basic continuation of Hung Up, the song shows that Madonna truly is BACK and here to stay and dance around in leotards and shit. Truly one the best “stompers” from Confessions. Oh, and the next single is “Jump” by the way. I look forward to the video and brilliant dance routine accompanying.
PB: Kylie achieved it. Britney achieved it. Gwen achieved it. Mariah achieved it. Even bloody Jenny Frost achieved it. But Madonna has never been number one on March 1st. Surely a pop injustice of the grandest scale? She missed narrowly with 'Frozen' in 1997 but was a week late. Close but no goulash I'm afraid.
Surely, this wrong can be righted this year. I can't see how Madge can't be number one this week, with 'Sorry' a glittering, throbbing, roller disco diety which takes the brilliance of 'Hung Up' and the infamous ABBA sample, shakes it around, strangles it with a pair of toned yoga thighs and beats it with a big glittery stick. Worse still it's gone in the morning and won't return 'Hung Up's' calls (there's an irony somewhere). By far the best song from 'Confessions On A Dancefloor'. This may just be brilliant enough to still be number one come my 19th birthday. I'll be honest, it's unlikely, but it'd be deserved.
Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough/Thriller
PB: The first(??) of MJ's re-releases. Following the success of a similar Elvis stunt last year (and also, I suspect, an attempt win people over after the.. ummm... let's say... shady year or so he's had). With all those complications, it was easy to see that Michael has gone a bit cuckoo and is a couple of hampers sort of a picnic (let alone sandwiches). It was also easy to dismiss im as a total fool. But these songs truly remind us just how brilliant he was at his most inventive/poptastic/genius. I challenge anyone, perhaps even Gavin Arvizo, not to dance to 'Don't Stop' or to want to do the zombie dance to 'Thriller'. It's humanly impossible. Definitely the gem in the 'King Of Pop's crown.
IG: Both classics, but I completely agree with the principles of this release. Basically, it’s a re-release/cash-in. Which all those mad Jacko fans will buy. Perhaps he needs a new gold statue or summat… anyway. Thriller is an amazing classic track and I still dance around to it comically on Halloween. And seeing the video when I was six led to me refusing to watch it for the following seven years, but that’s not the point.
Don’t buy. We’ve just got rid of those bloody Elvis re-releases, we don’t need re-releases hitting the number one spot every week again.
Best: Both - Madonna
Worst: Both -The Darkness